


one call too late

by bongjaehyunz



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 04:15:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14011977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bongjaehyunz/pseuds/bongjaehyunz
Summary: maybe guilt was all he deserved





	one call too late

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sungyooni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungyooni/gifts), [daeyeols (sungyeols)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungyeols/gifts).



Sungyoon never cried, he hated crying and he thought that those tears showed nothing but one’s weakness. No matter how hard things were for him, he held those tears in, angry tears, tears of sadness and joy, he held those in. 

 

But as he held Daeyeol’s cold hands for the last time tonight, he cried. He cried hard, maybe along with the grief, he was also letting go of everything inside of him. As he let those feelings go, he let new ones take control. Sadness, anger, mostly guilt.

 

-

 

Things were tough on Sungyoon, as it were on many others. He was going through a slump, the lyrics weren’t coming to him no matter how hard he tried, everything sounded wrong. Sungyoon crushed the paper in his hands and tossed it into the bin before plopping himself onto the bed. He hated times like these, when nothing seemed to be going well. Sungyoon used to be such a happy and lively person, but as he aged and his career progressed, he lost his smiles along the way.

 

“Can I come in?” Daeyeol peeked into Sungyoon’s room. He had wanted to check on the latter after he left the dining table halfway through dinner. Daeyeol took the low groan from Sungyoon as a ‘yes’ as he pushed open the door and stepped in. He loved that he was instantly surrounded by Sungyoon’s familiar scent, the scent Daeyeol loved so much. “What’s wrong, baby?” He smiled as he sat beside Sungyoon on the bed, tapping his arm a couple of times. 

 

“Nothing.” Sungyoon groaned with a pillow over his face. “Stop covering your face, I want to look at you.” Daeyeol removed the pillow and his heart swelled with love and affection for the boy in front of him. Sungyoon narrowed his eyes, “What do you want?” Sungyoon sounded ruder than usual, and he bit his lip in regret as he saw Daeyeol’s face fell. “I’m sorry hyung, I’m just not in the mood.” He patted Daeyeol’s hand, hoping it would sooth the stinging pain from his words earlier on.

 

Daeyeol’s gaze softened as he leaned in towards Sungyoon, pressing his lips against the younger boy’s. Sungyoon’s eyes widened in surprise, he felt the urgency in the kiss, something that rarely happened with Daeyeol. Daeyeol was always one to take things slow, never rushing things in fear he would hurt the one he loved the most. Sungyoon closed his eyes as he remained motionless, letting Daeyeol take control. 

 

Sungyoon often recalled this day, maybe it was then, when Daeyeol first realised he had already lost his love. 

 

-

 

“Where are you?” Daeyeol asked over the phone, his heart sunk as he heard the little sigh of annoyance from the other end. “I’m at work hyung, I don’t have time for this, I’ll call you later.” Sungyoon ended the call before Daeyeol could say anything else. 

 

Daeyeol clutched his phone tightly as he spotted Sungyoon up ahead, queuing in front of a cafe, another man at his side. Daeyeol spent some effort convincing himself that they were friends, well they had to be, since Daeyeol was the one that Sungyoon was dating, and everyone else knew that. Daeyeol had to convince himself that those two people weren’t in love, even as his fingers trembled as he recognised the smile Sungyoon gave the other guy, a smile that used to be reserved for Daeyeol and Daeyeol only. 

 

_They’re just friends._

-

 

Sungyoon grabbed his clothes from his wardrobe and stuffed them into a dufflebag, seemingly in a hurry. Daeyeol sat at the edge of his bed, motionless. His throat sore from all the yelling and eyes puffy from all the crying. He knew his words weren’t enough to hold Sungyoon back anymore, but he had to try something, he couldn’t just let Sungyoon go, not after everything they’ve been through. 

 

Daeyeol stood up abruptly, startling Sungyoon who was busy shoving all his cosmetics into the same bag. “Sungyoon-ah, let’s talk about this, let’s not make rash decisions alright?” Daeyeol inched towards Sungyoon and grabbed his hands in desperation, he had to find a way to make Sungyoon stay. He’d kneel if he needed to, he’d beg if he needed to, but he just wanted his love by his side again. “Look at me, please...” Daeyeol reached up and held him by his shoulders, shaking him lightly. 

 

“I can’t do this anymore... Let’s take a break.” Sungyoon mumbled, refusing to make eye contact. Daeyeol took him by surprise again as he crashed his lips against Sungyoon’s. Sungyoon could taste the hot tears that were rolling down Daeyeol’s cheeks, as the latter nibbled furiously at his lips, drawing blood. Sungyoon winced a little but he stood still, not pulling away, not returning the kiss. He hated this, he hated how Daeyeol was acting this way, he hated the fact that he was the one to pushed him to such an extent. 

 

“I love you.” Daeyeol muttered against Sungyoon’s lips, hoping and praying for a reply. But none came.

 

Sungyoon stayed that night, he couldn’t bring himself to leave while Daeyeol was so vulnerable, so broken. But later on he learnt to blame himself, if only he had left earlier, things wouldn’t have turned out this way. 

 

-

 

“Sungyoon-ah, I’m feeling a little sick today, could you come back home tonight?” Daeyeol whispered into the phone. He was burning with a high fever, with only Donghyun tending to him. It’s been two weeks since Sungyoon left, citing the fact that his practise room was too far away from their home as an excuse.

 

“I’m sorry hyung, I won’t be able to make it back tonight. Take care, get Donghyun to get some medicine for you. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Sungyoon sounded as uninterested as the last time they spoke over the phone, and every single phone call ended with Daeyeol’s heart being more broken than it was before. 

 

Daeyeol missed those times when Sungyoon would drop everything for him, and when Sungyoon cherished him as though he was his entire world. He missed coming home to Sungyoon’s embrace and soft kisses, he missed their late night conversations and snuggles in bed. He missed them all, he missed his person. 

 

-

 

“Sungyoon-ah, it’s your birthday today, will you be coming home? I got a cake for you.” Daeyeol still sounded weak, but he mustered all his energy for that one phone call. Maybe Sungyoon was staying away because Daeyeol was sick, maybe he’d come back if Daeyeol was healthy again. 

 

Sungyoon sighed, “I-I can’t... I have something on tonight. We will celebrate another day. I’m sorry hyung.” He didn’t end the call this time, giving Daeyeol some hope again. The latter tried his luck once more, maybe things changed, “Alright... I love you.” 

 

Silence.

 

And the line was cut. 

 

-

 

The next time Sungyoon received a call from Daeyeol was when it was near midnight. His phone buzzed on the bedside table, waking him up from his slumber. The sudden brightness from the screen annoyed Sungyoon, he clucked his tongue as he saw the caller, “What do you want, hyung? It’s almost midnight, go to sleep.” 

 

“H-Hyung...” 

 

Sungyoon froze, that whimper came from a voice too familiar. “Donghyun?” It was unusual that Donghyun would be using Daeyeol’s phone. The latter had kept it glued to his side for weeks, always hoping that at any time, Sungyoon would call. But he never did.

 

“H-Hyung...” Sungyoon could heard that Donghyun was trying really hard to stabilise himself. His breaths were uneven, hitches in between as if something was stuck in his throat. The following news seemed to have stop Sungyoon's world from spinning. Surely something must have been wrong, surely Donghyun must be misinformed. There was no way in hell Daeyeol could be...gone. 

 

Sungyoon yanked open the main door of the house, stopping himself short as he noticed a cake box on the floor. His hands shook as he picked up the box and read the note attached to it. 

 

"Happy birthday, Sungyoon. I love you. Always." 

 

-

 

Sungyoon barged into the ward, heads turning to look at him. Donghyun's eyes were red and puffy, hot fresh tears still escaping from the corner of his eyes. Jibeom, Jaehyun and Joochan were sitting on the floor in a corner, holding hands and giving each other support. Jangjun, Seungmin and Youngtaek looked listless, their gazes unfocused. All of them had cried, Sungyoon could tell. 

 

His legs threatened to give way as he made his way toward the bed that Daeyeol was lying motionless on. Jaeseok stood by Sungyoon's side, giving him the support he needed. Sungyoon choked back a laughter, all this must be a prank. His hands trembled as he gripped onto the frame of the bed so tightly his knuckles turned white. "Hyung, what are you doing?" He whispered, waiting for a reply from Daeyeol. 

 

"Hyung...Is this a prank to get back at me? For not spending my birthday with you? Hyung... this is really childish." Donghyun moved to the side as Sungyoon took his place by Daeyeol's side. His hands searching desperately for Daeyeol's cold ones. Those hands will never be warm again. 

 

"Hyung, get up, this isn't funny anymore. I'll just celebrate my birthday with you tomorrow. H-Hyung, please." Sungyoon bit his lip as the words struggled to escape his mouth. A sob and a sniffle was heard from the corners of the room occasionally, but never once did a tear fall from Sungyoon's eyes. "This is a prank right? Donghyun, why isn't he waking up? What's wrong with him?" Sungyoon turned to grab Donghyun's hand, unintentionally hurting him in the process. Daeyeol looked at peace, the wrinkles on his forehead, which was always there as he always worried too much, were gone. 

 

"H-Hyung..." Donghyun pressed his lips into a thin line, his gaze hardened as he stood up and brought Sungyoon out of the room. The two of them stood in the empty quiet corridor, the silence scaring Sungyoon more than anything. "Why won't you tell me the truth? That this is all a prank?" He asked, but it sounded more like a plea. Donghyun reached for Sungyoon's hand and forcefully placed something in it, "This was found in Daeyeol's hyung's hand. When they found him lying unconscious in a pool of his own blood. If only you had come home today. Hyung would still be here." Donghyun hated sounding so bitter, especially towards Sungyoon whom he views as a brother. 

 

Sungyoon opened the note Donghyun passed to him, it looked identical to the one found on the cake box, except that the contents were different this time. "Happy Birthday, Sungyoon. I love you. Always... Even if you don't feel the same anymore." The last line was furiously crossed away, but Sungyoon could still make out the words as he squinted. He felt a pang in his heart as he realised what all these meant. Daeyeol had known. 

 

He had known all this while, what Sungyoon was doing behind his back. He knew. 

 

"Now it all makes sense, hyung. When you started coming home late, until you didn't come home at all. You know Daeyeol hyung has spent the past weeks crying to sleep right? I pass by his room every night, and it sounded awful. I asked him, every morning, if things were alright. But he always said that yes, he was fine. But now it all made sense. When you came in here with Jaeseok hyung, things all fell into place." Sungyoon wished Donghyun had hit him instead, he could bear the punches, but the look Donghyun gave him hurt more than any flesh wound would. 

 

"He called you so many times, telling you he was sick, but you never came once. I was angry for awhile, but Daeyeol hyung told me you must've been busy, that you were sleeping in your practise room, that you were busy making him proud. I wished you'd have seen the look of his face when you told him you wouldn't be celebrating your birthday with him. I wished you did, hyung, you deserve to live with at least that much guilt of what you've done." Donghyun continued, spitting the words like they were poison. It felt like someone was clenching Sungyoon's heart, his chest felt tight as he realised he was holding his breath. Daeyeol had brought Sungyoon's birthday cake all the way to Jaeseok's place, he had known the truth all these while, but he never told anyone. 

 

-

 

The boys took turns to give Sungyoon a pat on his back, knowing that their loss was even more so his. Sungyoon let the guilt engulf him, if only they knew. Sungyoon knelt by Daeyeol's side, and held his hand for the last time, interlocking their fingers. He recalled how they used to do it secretly under the tables when they were out with the boys, and Sungyoon had always loved the thrill of dating in secret. "Hyung, I'm sorry." was all he could say. Sungyoon loathed the fact that he couldn't tell Daeyeol he loves him, that it would only be a lie if he did. A tear slid down the side of Sungyoon's cheek, the first tear that started the waterfall that came after. Sungyoon cried hard as he buried his face into Daeyeol's side, letting go of all the emotions that rushed through him, leaving him as an empty shell with nothing but guilt to live with. 

 

At the end of the day, Sungyoon thought, that he deserved nothing less. 

 


End file.
